Monday, February 26, 2007

Diary of..........

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary

8.00am Dog food! My favourite thing!
9.30am A car ride! My favourite thing!
9.40am A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10.30am Got hugged and petted! My favourite thing!
12.00pm Lunch! My favourite thing!
1.00pm Played in the garden! My favourite thing!
3.00pm Chased my tail! My favourite thing!
5.00pm Bonio biscuits! My favourite thing!
7.00pm Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8.00pm Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11.00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary

Day 683 of my captivity.


My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe it communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that it reports my every move. My Captors have arranged protective custody for it in an elevated cell, so he is safe...for now....

53 comments:

anna said...

Hilarious Peajay... :D

So true, cats always look as if they are planning some sort of revenge :)

I'm a dog person myself... and I've always been a bit scared of cats........ I know why now ;)

Peajay said...

Thank you Anna, don't know whose the cat is but the dog is our Murphy. We're dog people too and endeavour to get Murphy to kill any cats that come in the garden, he stands no chance but, bless him, he sure tries.

Melanie said...

Peajay, absolutely hysterical and SO true!!! Well done!! :DD

anna said...

Peajay..

Our dog - Mist - the doziest and wimpiest labrador ever born... wouldn't even see the cat and then, the cat would probably chase her back into the house. :D

She is as soft as the proverbial!!:)

The dog we had before her was a male West Highland Terrier called Harvey........ and he was the terror of the neigbourhood's cats. No feline ever messed with him!!

A little 'stroppy Scot' with loads of attitude :) Noisy little divil too :D

Talking Bear said...

I also noticed some correlations between male and female behaviors. Men seemed to like just about anything and everything in life. Women, on the other hand, are always whining about something. ;) ….What….blogging?....oh, that is my favorite thing.

Peajay said...

No, what it actually means is that men can be easily pleased with just about anything whereas women are far more discerning. :) What you perceive as 'whining' is actually highly evolved, intelligent conversation which is carried out at a pitch that is inaudible to the simple mans ear. ;D

Talking Bear said...

Well, it sounds good, however it is an erroneous example of womans alleged sophistication. It is a good thing men are pleased with just about anything, otherwise we as a human race would be extinct.

Peajay said...

TB!! 'Alleged sophistication'! Do you think your inamorata may be concerned about this line. ;)

Talking Bear said...

HUmmm....Nope

Talking Bear said...

She understands and gets my point. There are some parts of ones inamorata that make up for others. And coming home after being away makes up for alot, hummm coming home...that my favorite thing....

Peajay said...

You seem to be coming home a lot lately TB, to much of a good thing can be bad for you.;DD

Talking Bear said...

I know, my vision is starting to blur......

Peajay said...

Perhaps you should have another wine tour. :)

Talking Bear said...

That would be great, except I cant even think about getting away from the job right now. It feels like they have me on call 24/7. I have worked more overtime in the last 5 months than I have worked in the last six years combined. If this keeps up, we could do a wine tour in france and have you along. I am very tired from the non-stop running, and I think it has just started for now.

Peajay said...

Men who for truth and honor's sake
Stand fast and suffer long.
Brave men who work while others sleep,
Who dare while others fly...
They build a nation's pillars deep
And lift them to the sky.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be assured that in all you do you are appreciated even if that fact is not always readily apparent.

AJ Fife said...

This should sort young Peajay oot!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7HdusHMz1Q

That'll teach you!!:D

Peajay said...

(-.-)zzZZ. That was so boring, is that the best you can do after I give you a wummin who can open beer bottles with here omphalos!!

Talking Bear said...

The implications of surfing youtube and coming up with a video from the SNP are scary. Out of all the possible clips to pick from and a SNP ad was chosen to sort out the young PJ? I must have missed something in the translation. Now the omphalos clip sounds exciting. I am not even sure what they are, but a women who can open a beer bottle with something other than her hands has got to be good.

Talking Bear said...

This should help AJ out

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LRiMZC3-QZM

AJ Fife said...

Talkimg Bear,

I though a bit of intense boredom might have been too much for Peajay to deal with!!

She keeps contaminating my blog with stuff to do with Brokenback Mounting,so it was pay back time!!:)

Talking Bear said...

So she likes he pufters?

Peajay said...

Excuse me, now who's polluting. TB, you should ask why these things were appearing on AJ's blog. Might it be that AJ has a deep-seated interest in such things? Besides I think Anna started it not me. ;DD

Talking Bear said...

Well there is the reaction he was looking for ;) All I have to go by is the information I get during pillow talk. It seemed that there was a 3 to 1 contest and that a certain scots man might need a bit of help. I have no vested intrest in a side other than the pillow time, yummy. So I just posted a simple little video, and you have to admit some help was needed when you saw that SNP clip. I do not know, nor do I want to know what, or who started it, just that all can get a laugh and stay friends.

Peajay said...

You have to admit the SNP clip was seriously tedious though. And yours was just plain sexist. You naturally felt the urge to ride to the rescue of the wee scottie who can more than stand up to 3 little wummin. :DD

I really don't know about your inamorata, I think the romance may be leaving if she's telling you these things as pillow talk! Whatever happened to sweet nothings?? ;)

Melanie said...

funny Peajay! all I can say is he did a great job orchestrating the champagne and chocolate, not to mention the 'in the room hot tub', Napa get away...he made major points with that one! :D

as far as helping AJ, men always band together when the estrogen gets too much!! ;))

Peajay said...

He does sound perfect Melanie, with all those arrangements but we know that such a man has not yet been born. :D

Melanie said...

Oh, Peajay, I would love to agree, but that would just lead into something else....and we don't want to get them started on describing the perfect woman...I can just hear it now!! :/ :DD

Peajay said...

But TB already has TPW in yourself. :)

Melanie said...

Well, I do try, but I'm hardly perfect!! ;) Thank you, though!

Peajay said...

You're welcome. Off to my bed now as another action packed day of commerce beckons tomorrow, it was so thronging today I was able to construct a Byzantine bracelet whilst I waited for my customers to trample each other in the rush. Who would choose to be in retail is beyond me. ;)
Have a great rest of the weekend, hope you don't have to work.
G'nite.

Talking Bear said...

Perfection? hummm, the places I could go with that. I have yet to meet a perfect person. Perfection to me is measured by levels of acceptance. And as far as women go, they just need to always say yes, and that is pretty dang close to perfect.

anna said...

Peajay,

Will you be selling your wares at the Spring Show (also known as the Shire Horse show) at the East of England ground.... this weekend? 17th/18th Mar. If so, I might see you there!!

Btw: AJ is well able to take care of himself .... :D

Talking Bear said...

HI Anna, long time no see. Hows the kids? How are you ? You should drop in more often, your smiling face brightens the day up.

Peajay said...

That sounded very flirtatious TB. Wouldn't life be absolute perfection if both men and women always said yes!

Anna
Sorry not doing E of E show as have one in village of Abbotsley on Saturday 17th.
As to AJ, obviously TB felt he needed back up against 3 marauding females. You know that men are the weaker sex really, so it was brave of him to ride to the rescue like the cavalry.

Talking Bear said...

First of all, I would never stop THREE women from marauding. I think I would sacrifice myself and let the marauders have their way. I does sound a bit harmful, but really fun....;)

Peajay said...

Very noble of you TB. Presumably you'd just lie down in the path of aforementioned marauding women and allow providence to take it's course. ;D

Talking Bear said...

well I would try to rise to the occasion, 3 to 1 could challenge the best of us. I would have to stick to the basics of personal survival, controled breathing, and extreme energy conservation, but I think it would all come out ok in the end.

anna said...

Ooh... er TB

You are awful but I like you!! :D

AJ Fife said...

Thanks TB for your welcome support!!;) This lot are a handful to be sure!!:DD

What is exciting, is the prospect of actual contact between Anna and Peajay at the Shire Show!!!! Does this break any cyberpal rules!!??

Talking Bear said...

AJ, I guess it depends on the type of contact they become involved with. But, I think they will not get that chance as PJ is doing another show on that date, or at least that is what I got from the above comments.

Talking Bear said...

What would the said "Marauding" women be wearing? That has a lot to do the my strategic response. Should I draw my sword right away or just let the marauders stare at it in the sheath for a bit? Do I use my shield, or just leave myself exposed to attack? One can see that a warrior has many things to contemplate in such a confrontation. Six hands are a lot to keep one's eyes one. And if the battle ends up in a close quarters situation, one might not be able to defend agianst hands with ill intent. Just thinking of three women attacking a freindly fellow makes me tired, I am going to take a nap and contemplate the matter.

Peajay said...

The marauding women would naturally be dressed up to the nines. As for the weapon, I think you should keep your sword under wraps until the crucial moment, I'd hate the marauders to expire from shock or laughter! ;) A shield would be better just from a safety perspective. Hope you enjoyed your nap and didn't suffer from disturbed sleep patterns due to the nature of our on going conversation.

Alas I won't be breaking the cyber-pals time and dimension continuum by meeting Anna at the Shire show and probably have more chance of running into AJ on this year's annual vacation as Scotland has been chosen despite everything. :/

Melanie said...

Well, I couldn't help myself with this one...with the ever amorous adventures of the male of the species!!! ...You can't blame this guy for trying!!! :DD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN3SVNBLAuw&NR

Anonymous said...

Zzzzzz?

Peajay said...

What's with the Zzzzzz TB?

Not had a good day today have been in bed with migraine and as it's Mother's Day over here it didn't come at the best time. :(

Melanie said...

This is nice...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Eima7jF4hCM&mode=related&search=

Talking Bear said...

OH MY GOSH, I can not believe she posted that. Next thing you know, she will be trying to talk to a snake.

Peajay said...

I thought it was sweet TB, so thank you Melanie. What's wrong with snakes by the way TB?

Talking Bear said...

Well......She likes "her snake"....

Peajay said...

Is it a big one TB? Perhaps poisonous or maybe a constrictor. ;)

Melanie said...

Oh, Peajay, visions of a Cobra spitting into its victim's eyes came to mind! :D

and, as far as communicating with the animals, the flute player is the master of the cobra, and will direct it's every move!! ;)

Peajay said...

Just let me guess Melanie, you are adept at the flute!! ;)

storyteller said...

I'm so glad you sent the link to this wonderful post! Aren't Labs wonderful??? Everything is 'their favorite thing' ... and our cats DO look down on the canine beasties don't they? Is Murphy a chocolate ... or is it just the 'light' in the photo playing tricks?

Thanks also for granting permission to use the story. You're so kind.

Hope all is well with you and yours!
Hugs and blessings,