Saturday, January 19, 2008

Look out for your ass!

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in a race again, and it won again. The local paper read, "Pastor's Ass Out Front".

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read, "Bishop Scratches Pastor's Ass".

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day, "Nun Has Best Ass In Town".

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read, "Nun Sells Ass For $10".

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy the donkey back and lead it to a place where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read, "Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild And Free".

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of this story is....being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery....and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life....Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!


Anonymous said...

...all of which reminds me of a limerick:

There was a young girl from Madras,
Who had the most beautiful ass,
Not rounded and pink
As you'd probably think,
But grey with long ears and ate grass.


Peajay said...

Thank you S, I'd heard her name was Rosalina, as in:
Rosalina, a lovely young lass,
had a truly magnificent ass!
Oh, not rounded and pink,
as you probably think.
It was gray, had long ears and ate grass!

Although my personal fav would probably include:
There was an old man of Darjeeling
Who boarded a bus bound for Ealing
It said on the door
`Don't spit on the floor'
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.

Anonymous said...

See, when I heard about the chap from Ealing, it was somewhat smuttier...
Here's one of Spike's:
There was a young man called Gandhi,
Who went to the bar for a shandy.
He used his loin cloth
To wipe off the froth
And the barman said, "Blimey, that's handy!"

storyteller said...

Ohmygosh ... you're all too funny this morning!!! I was cracking up at the "donkey" story and now I find these limericks. How am I supposed to focus on TENNIS with such ridiculousness? I'm trying to do both ... and it's just not working for me. Thanks for the laughs ...
Hugs and blessings,

Peajay said...

Hi S, of course smutty can be good too. :DD
There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies came only from God.
Twasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
But Roger the Lodger by god!

Hi Storyteller, how's the tennis going. I noticed they were playing until 4 in the morning last night and up again for it today. I hope you're not too exhausted just watching. :DD

storyteller said...

Thanks for asking ... Actually, I'm doing okay in the sleep department because I watch the matches in the evening until I need sleep, then I set the DVR to record the rest and watch it after the fact when I get up the next day. As long as I don't turn on news (or no one gives results away in email or on my blog), innocence is bliss ... and it's still new to me. LOL
Hugs and blessings,

melanie said...

absolutely love the 'ditties' but am at a loss to create...too many interruptions!!! :)

love the post, PJ!! :)

His Girl Friday said...

some humor from the desert...

"Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said -- Good trade."

Peajay said...

Thank you Mel for the visit and kind words, creating ditties isn't necessary, enjoying them is all that counts. I love the joke and I have emailed one in a slightly more violent vein but with the same message. :DD.

His Girl Friday said...

oh!! Bet your version was Good!!! ;))

Peajay said...

Sorry HGF, forgot but have sent it now. :D

His Girl Friday said...

thanks!! :)
(tis a good'n!! ;))