Saturday, April 26, 2008

I've been ta(n)g(o)ed

Go raibh míle maith agat goes to Wellied On Life for tagging me (^_~).
I have updated the list with the first question that got kind of overlooked in the mêlée.

Things I was doing 10 years ago:
I was pursuing my Heraldic Art & Calligraphy career whilst enduring chronic back pain. This culminated in 1998 with my third spinal fusion. My brother left his wife and new son that year and never went back, leaving her to bring up two little boys alone.
'The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.' H. H. Munro

Five things on my To-Do list today:
1. Walk the dogs.
2. Fill in Tax Return.
3. Check work timesheet figures against payslips (I know that sounds a no-brainer but I'm new to this proper pay packet thing and hadn't thought that it might be wrong)
4. Try website building in Dreamweaver.
5. Go out for dinner.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. As per WoL, pay off any debts and those of my family and friends. generally make life easier for them.
2. Buy an art gallery and workshops in order to set up a cooperative of newly qualified Jewellery and Silversmithing students providing them with a means to both make and sell.
3. Buy a large enough house with grounds so I can't see my neighbours .
4. Buy two properties in County Kerry, Eire. One for get aways and the other for my Mother.
5. Purchase the car of my dreams, a classic Mini Cooper S in British Racing Green.
6. Continue to work - "Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort." Franklin D Roosevelt.

Three of my bad habits:
1. Disorganised (but God knows I try so hard not to be)
2. I get sidetracked easily.
3. Dreaming.

Five places I've lived:
This one proved a bit tricky as I haven't travelled far from home.
1. Essex (place of birth)
2. Hertfordshire (but in 3 different houses)

Five jobs I've had:
Again this proved tricky.
1. Heraldic Artist & Calligrapher.
2. Jewellery Designer/Maker
3. Academic Support Worker.

Five books I've read recently:
1. An Unfinished Life: John F. Kennedy, 1917-1963
2. The Golden Compass , The Amber Spyglass & The Subtle Knife from the His Dark Materials trilogy.
3. Norman Rockwell - A Life.
4. Dreamweaver CS3 - The Missing Manual.
5. Flash CS3 - The Missing Manual.

Five people or communities I'm going to tag:
1. Mazza
2. The Storyteller
3. Sleepy Bear Hollow
4. Sx
5. The Gamekeeper.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Is this Heaven?


A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Friday, April 11, 2008

Why we love children.


A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pi**ed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
'I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big sissy.'

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bi*ch to iron.'

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bi*ch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bi*ch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bi*ch is four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said: 'Holy Sh * t! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake
The barber says to her, 'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'
She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

Monday, April 07, 2008

More Brrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!


You'd think they'd not seen snow before.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Brrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!




This is what we've woken up to today.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, the guy at the back would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.